Heros and the Heat of the Game

by Rosemary De Faria Wednesday, July 17, 2013

There has been a lot of buzz with the play-offs lately.  One has to live under a rock to avoid being affected by it in one form or another.

Not being a sports fan I decided to take a walk on the wild side by accepting an invitation to dinner at a local bar where the final game would be played on every screen in the place.

My immersion experience began with the driver of the shuttle who took us to the bar.  He recounted the story of the previous evening’s game, sharing with emotion how he had been close to tears when it looked like his beloved team may lose.     His voice, hoarse from all the screaming, now had a lilt in it as he spoke of the team’s dramatic win.  They had managed to turn things around and to listen to him; it had been close to a spiritual experience.

In the restaurant people were already seated in the front row.   Dressed in their Heat attire, they were screaming and throwing their hands up to clap for a play which brought the team a little closer to winning.   

I began thinking of the role these sportsmen played for people, young and old from all walks of life and I found myself wondering : “Who do we make our heroes and why? “

When I think of my heroes, the people that come to mind are rarely those with celebrity.  Oh, I admit, Oprah holds a special place for me as I’m sure she does for many, but I think instead, of Sister Mendonca my fifth grade teacher who had the kindest, most loving heart.   She made some difficult times a bit easier to bear and I have never forgotten her for it.  

Now in middle age, I think of my father as another hero.  This surprises me at first, but it is a good choice nonetheless.   He was a tough, scary man, but he modeled some of the most important principles in life for which I am very grateful.  The best parts of me are all as a result of having him as my father. 

I sometimes sit across from my clients and wonder, am I a hero for them?    If so, I hope I can be like my heroes, who in very humble and unassuming ways gave me so much. 

Take the time to seek out your heroes.   They often go unnoticed, flying under the radar with little or no awareness of their own magnificence, but they are heroes nonetheless.

Let them know how they have impacted you.  Then, think about how you can be a hero for someone else and do it.  You may just change a life in unexpected ways.   Unleash the hero within you.  I promise you it’s there …ready and waiting to get into the heat of the game.

Rosemary De Faria, LCSW has a psycho-spiritual psychotherapy practice in Miami, Florida.  With over 20 years experience she uses both traditional and alternative therapies in working with her clients.  To read more about Rosemary or to read more of her articles, please visit www.distincttherapy.com. Mention this blog article for a complementary phone consultation: 954-966-3446.

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relationships, friendships | Self-Care | Social Work | Therapeutic Relationship

Will a marriage counselor tell me my partner is “right” and I’m “wrong”?

by Anita M. O'Donnell Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Couples counseling requires a balancing act in order to work well. If one person feels slighted or picked upon, the overall work is compromised. You don’t want to feel that the person who is supposed to be helping you is siding with your partner.

Typically, the subject that your partner and you disagree on feels crucial. Both people are bringing strong emotions to the discussion. For example, if you’re arguing about the frequency of sexual intimacy, one partner may feel very strongly that sex isn’t important enough to the other partner. This partner may feel rejected and undesirable as a result. The partner who looks like he/she is avoiding sex might be experiencing increased stress in daily life and may feel overwhelmed generally. The emotions this partner holds on a day-to-day basis can be debilitating. Is one person “right” and the other person “wrong”? No.

Both people are affected negatively by this disconnect in the relationship. The counselor might want them to talk to each other in the counseling session about their feelings on the topic, to explore the significance of sex, perhaps to even try some problem-solving around this subject. The counselor might help the couple build upon their knowledge of each other and their friendship. The relationship may exhibit other issues that could lead the counselor to work with the couple in building specific skills to improve the relationship. Additionally, do other factors exist that affect the sexual aspect of their relationship—medical problems, substance abuse, depression? These factors would need to be addressed as well.

In most cases, there is no “right” or “wrong” person. Counselors can look at the process of how the couple relates. Counselors can help couples focus on resolvable issues, rather than perpetual issues. Counselors can help couples learn new skills and improve upon existing skills.

Counselors that help couples transform how they relate to each other, stand a great chance of helping couples gain the knowledge to improve their relationship and love fully.


Anita M. O’Donnell, M.Ed., LPCMH, NCC provides individual and couples counseling in Wilmington, Delaware through her company SuccessWorks Unlimited, Inc. She also offers telephonic and face-to-face coaching. Ms. O’Donnell earned her M.Ed. from Temple University in Philadelphia in 1991. You can follow her at www.facebook.com/YourBestLifeToday and through her website www.successworksunltd.com.

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marriage | Therapeutic Relationship

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