Seek wisdom before, during, and after a big decision, but remember not everyone has your best interest in mind! People often filter advice through their own experience; depending on personal comfort levels:
It sounds reckless and dangerous! Don’t do it!
It sounds adventurous! Go for it!
Others might benefit directly/indirectly from your decisions and advise accordingly. It’s common to guide to gain - with “enmeshed” and “codependent” relationships forming as a result:
Stay here (and keep me company) while you figure out what you want to do.
I should stay (you pay for rent and food) while I figure out what I want to do.
When advised from the two categories above, say “thank you” – without explaining, defending, arguing - and seek wisdom elsewhere; preferably from outside your circle of influence. However, even counselors, coaches and pastors can have a “tint on their lens.” Look for someone who has:
1. Nothing to lose or gain from your decisions.
2. Statistics (not opinions) about the risks/gains of each options.
3. Insight into what’s in your best interest.
4. Ability/willingness to be honest.
Say “thank you” – without explaining, defending, arguing -- and for big decisions, seek advice from at least three wise sources – and then move forward. Yes, move forward. Even the wisest decision can end up in a tangle. If you do a good job of seeking/receiving sound advice but struggle with moving forward, check back later for more on Fear of Failure!
Julie Davis uncovers and clears up deeply embedded beliefs and unresolved emotions that keep people stuck (www.rapidresolutiontherapy.com) and coaches people how to stay clear, calm and strategic in everyday life with healthy ways of thinking, feeling and behaving (www.juliedavismft.com). Get free weekly insight and guidance by joining Julie’s Tuesday Email service. Send “subscribe” in subject line to: firstname.lastname@example.org. Julie is a Certified Rapid Resolution Therapist, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (North Carolina, California; New York – pending), Board Certified Hypnotherapist, and New Life Network Christian Counselor (www.newlife.com). 704-807-1101.